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Birchbox March 2014 Review

Birchbox March 2014 Review

Birchbox. Stuff. It came. Hooray!

Its rainy, so I can only assume that the weather has decided to be Spring, now. Birchbox is thematically appropriate with their "Spring Forward" box, though their featured products never seem to have anything to do with the theme.

Heres what I got:



Jergens BB Body Perfecting Skin Cream (1 fl oz), approximate retail value $1.60


First came BB creams for your face. Next came BB creams for your hair. I suppose that BB creams for your body are the logical next step, no? The Jergens BB Body cream is this months "Birchbox Find"-- a drugstore product that Birchbox pretends to get excited about because Jergens paid them to (lets not pretend otherwise).

The product itself is essentially translucent-- it doesnt initially appear to do much of anything. However, people online have been reporting that the product is having a self-tanning effect. Uh oh.


I decided to peruse the ingredients and see what was going on. We see water, shea butter, fatty alcohols that give an emollient quality to the product, glycerin to improve smoothness, petroleum jelly, dimethicone (everyones favorite source of "that silicone-y feel"), ethylhexyl isononanoate for a skin conditioning agent...  a shitload more stuff that is really just there to make the product feel nice (to be fair, it does feel pretty nice)...

And then we get to dihydroxyacetone (DHA), the classic self-tanning ingredient. Move a little farther down the list and youll hit erythrulose, another common self-tanning ingredient.

This is a self-tanning product.

Source: http://www.drugstore.com/jergens-bb-body-skin-perfecting-cream-all-light-skin-tones/qxp510116?catid=182924

I suppose there is nothing inherently atrocious about having artificial tanning ingredients in a product. Furthermore, Jergens is apparently well-known for their fake tan products. As someone who doesnt fake bake, though, thats not necessarily on my radar. And although the product may not be inherently awful, the advertising says nothing about fake tanning.

The summary of alleged benefits looks like this:

Source: http://www.jergens.com/products/daily-moisturizers/bb-body-perfecting-skin-cream.aspx#

Notice that it says jack shit about tanning.

I really do not approve of products that try to change my skin color... but I really, really, really, really disapprove of products that try to change my skin color and dont fucking warn me about it. This whole situation makes me grumpy because I feel like the company isnt being honest about what the product is actually doing. Its "evening" your skin by making you tanner. Its "correcting" your skin by making you motherfucking tanner.

Leave my skin color alone, Jergens.

Keims Haircare Cleanshine Energizing Shampoo in Peppermint and Macadamia (1.69 fl oz), approximate retail value $1.90


This is another generously-sized sample, which is handy for me since I have absurd amounts of hair. Tiny shampoo samples just dont cut the mustard. The shampoo is relatively thin, in a sheer, amber color. It kinda looks like something you might find in a hotel... The soft, minty scent smells awesome, though, and it is more-than-the-average amount of foamy.

Supergoop City Sunscreen Serum (0.34 fl oz), approximate retail value $8.93 


I will never turn down extra sunscreen, so I was happy to get this in my box. I also tend to like Supergoop sunscreens (I got a few tubes free last year, so I did use it quite a bit)... but damn are those fuckers overpriced. This is $42 for 1.6 ounces. If youre putting on the 0.04oz needed to get full SPF protection on your face, youre only getting 40 applications out of this sucker. Youre spending over a dollar on every single sunscreen application. No thank you.

Its a nice sunscreen. It goes on well under makeup. Its not greasy. But unless its the fountain of eternal youth with a 100% no cancer guarantee, Im buying a cheaper sunscreen.

Grand Central Beauty SMART Skin Perfecting Serum + Primer (0.27 fl oz), approximate retail value $10.80


I honestly just dont have a lot to say about this product. Its really expensive and does not appear to do anything. I am not really sure what the point of this is.

Inika Certified Organic Eye Liner in 10 Green Lagoon (full size at 0.04 oz), retail value $20.00


Last but not least: EYELINER. This is a full-sized product that does come with a sharpener on the cap.


The color I got was Green Lagoon, a mermaid-y metallic teal.

Unfortunately, the pencil is as hard as a rock. I feel that unyielding eyeliners are really difficult to use, because you just end up poking yourself in the eyelid.


Because the product is so solid, I had a hard time getting a lot of opacity out of the product because it simply was not comfortable to use...


...although you can see it a little better close up.


Total Box Value: $40.23

This was a high retail value box and several of my samples were rather large. Still, I didnt get any products that Im really excited about. Although Ill definitely use everything except the Jergens, for me, the ideal Birchbox month is a month where I discover something that I really love and want to incorporate into my everyday routine. That didnt happen here. Im honestly feeling a little meh about the box as a whole. (Luckily, Birchbox points are the best and they more than make up for a few lacklaster products. Gotta love free things.)

If you are filled with an urge to subscribe to Birchbox, you are, as always, welcome to use my referral link by clicking here.

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