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Birchbox April 2014 Review

Birchbox April 2014 Review

My Birchbox finally showed up my my doorstep, despite the grammatically incorrect tracking information and the unreasonably long, five-day pit stop in Indiana.

Wrong "its", Birchbox! (I am a pedant.)

In addition to their samples, Birchbox also send out little cards with rainy day ideas. Unfortunately, 100% of the tips that I have seen so far have been TERRIBLE. Two of the tips were "sleep longer" (if its a weekend, Im doing that anyways; if its a weekday, thats not an option) and "wear a sweatshirt". Weirdly, they are trying to sell these... for money.

This month, my samples included:

Anastasia Beverly Hills Clear Brow Gel (0.085 oz), approximate retail value $6.68


If I am being honest here, I have never found a clear brow gel that is noticeably different from any other clear brow gel. They are all exactly the same to me. This is a clear brow gel and it works exactly like every other clear brow gel in the world.


With that said, Im not disappointed that I got this, as I throw away clear brow gels pretty quickly, since they always get easily clogged up by yucky brown product. It also let me know that Anastasia Beverly Hills is in the Birchbox store, which is awesome news. Ill definitely be picking something up with my points next time I make a purchase from Birchbox. (No sign of the new Dipbrow Pomade, though, which is a bummer.)

Davines Oi Absolute Beautifying Shampoo (0.4 fl oz), approximate retail value $1.10
Davines Oi Absolute Beautifying Shampoo (0.4 fl oz), approximate retail value $1.51


Youve heard me say it before: I have a lot of hair. I have hair that needs quite a bit more than 0.4 fl oz to shampoo and conditioner. Getting little packets of shampoo and conditioner is worthless for me, since it is less than a single use; I never get a good chance to try it. For the same reason, I am not going to spend $32 for 8.45 fl oz of conditioner, which would only give me about ten uses.

With that said, I did think these smelled really fabulous. It was a sandalwood-y smell that reminded me of a sexy perfume.

GUYandGIRL Shower Gel (1.01 fl oz), approximate retail value $2.49


Theres sort of a distinct, nondescript smell that hotel body washes exude. This product smells so strongly of "generic hotel body wash" that its no surprise that they are typically featured in hotels.

I also dont really understand the premise of the brand. Birchbox says, "For anyone who’s ever swiped their significant other’s bath products [raises hand], there’s a new way to avoid a potentially uncomfortable confrontation down the line: going Dutch on a single bottle of GUYandGIRL’s Shower Gel." My boyfriend already uses 90% of my bath products even though they do not contain the word "guy" on the packaging (my bath bombs are MINE, though), and Im not sure I want to encourage him to steal more of my things.

I tried to find out a little bit more about the company by googling "guyandgirl bath", but all I got was porn.

KIND Healthy Grain Bar in Maple Pumpkin Seeds with Sea Salt (1.2 oz), approximate retail value $0.79


I know that people get all grumpy about getting food in their Birchbox, but this granola bar is fucking delicious. Its not very maple-y, but its really salty, and salt is my soulmate. I have already bought a 15 pack on Amazon and Im going to throw a few in my desk at work for snacks.

Color Club Gala Gem Collection in Gold Struck (0.25 fl oz), approximate retail value $3.25


Gold Struck is more of a super shiny champagne. I actually found it was opaque in a single coat, although brushstrokes are pretty hard to camouflage due to the slightly streaky formula.



Total Box Value: $15.82

The Kind granola bar was the only product in my Birchbox that I was really over the moon about. The brow gel and the nail polish were enjoyable, and the bath products didnt work well for me. I wish there had been at least one other product where I thought, "fuck yeah, Im so excited about this!", but I wouldnt say the box was disappointing.

If you are interested in joining Birchbox, you are always welcome to use my referral link by clicking here.

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